


Helpless

by ams75



Series: Rip Hunter, Post Cognitive Intrusion [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Gen, Pre-TimeCanary, RipFic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 13:34:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10514793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ams75/pseuds/ams75
Summary: Rip Hunter is determined to find out if he's still affected by the brainwashing forced upon him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place post "Land of the Lost" and before "Fellowship of the Spear".

The ship was dark, blacker than it usually was.  Rip walked through the corridors silently and smiled slightly at the sounds of chaos that reached him.  There, that was the one he most longed to follow.  Barely breathing, he approached the screaming woman, her blond hair caught in a ponytail.  She spun around, eyes widening slightly as she spotted him.  “Do something!”  
  
“Oh, I will, most assuredly," he said with a murmur.  He drew his gn and shot her in the forehead, with a second shot to her heart.  Her eyes were impossibly large as she fell soundlessly to the floor, the red flowers emerging from the holes enhancing, rather than detracting from her beauty.  He bent down to check her pulse.  As expected, there wasn't one.  
  
"One down, seven to go."  
  
*********  
  
"Lights, Gideon!" Rip sat up quickly, almost gasping for breath.  His body trembled and he could still feel his finger squeezing the trigger.  "Status of Miss Lance?"  
  
"Sleeping soundly, Captain," Gideon said serenely.  "Do you wish to see her?"  
  
"No need to disturb her.  Allow her to sleep."  The last time, he had required an update on Mr. Jackson.  He was relieved to find out Mr. Jackson was in the engne room, performing minor maintenance, rather than floating in space without anything between him and the vacuum.  Mick Rory's rather special gun had misfired (after a little tinkering), engulfing him in flames, except that also hadn't happened.  
  
Rip stood up slowly and headed to his bathroom.  He knew he wouldn't be sleeping again.  A cold shower might help.  "Status of Professor Stein?"  
  
"He is currently in the galley, reading a book, Captain."  
  
"Ask him to meet me in the med bay in half an hour, Gideon."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
He undressed quickly and showered thoroughly, hoping to wash away all the dirt and grime that covered him, doubts that gnawed at his soul.  He wasn't entirely successful.  After his shower, he dried off and dressed, then headed to the med bay.  He beat Martin there by two minutes.  
  
He reclined on the chair and attempted to make himself comfortable.  The door opened and Rip said, "Thank you..." He trailed off when he saw Sara walk in behind Professor Stein.  "Why are you here?" he asked her.  
  
"I ran into Captain Lance," Martin said, as he walked over to the chair, "as I was leaving the galley,  She wanted to know why I was in such a hurry and, well..."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Well, I don't," said the woman in question.  "What's going on, Rip?"  
  
He shifted slightly, uncomfortable for an entirely different reason.  He hoped she hadn't noticed his pallor, sunken eyes and the almost black circles under them but with his luck, or, rather, lack thereof, she probably had.  "I wish Professor Stein to assist Gideon in monitoring me.  It's best done under supervision."  
  
"And why do you want Gideon to monitor you?"  
  
"A simple check-up, Miss Lance."  
  
She snorted.  "Right."  
  
Ignoring her disbelief he said, "You'll need to attach the electrodes per Gideon's instructions, then give me a mild sedative.  Gideon will monitor my brain waves and life functions, then report the result to me after I awaken and have a meal."  
  
"To us, you mean, the three of us," she said.  
  
"No, I do not mean that, Miss Lance, I mean she will report the results to me, in private."  
  
As he shut his eyes, Gideon said, "You must not become agitated, Captain.  This test will run more smoothly if you're calm."  
  
"I know that, Gideon."  He opened his eyes and was disconcerted by Sara's intense gaze.  "Now," he said, his throat dry, "if you would please leave, Miss Lance."  
  
She walked closer to the chair and, Rip noticed, stayed out of Martin's way as he placed the probes around Rip's face and head.  "I'm here as your friend, Rip," she said quietly.  
  
"I'd prefer you leave, in that case."  He realized how harsh that sounded and tried again.  "It will be boring to watch me sleep, possibly for hours.  Why don't you return when Gideon tells you I'm about to awaken?"  
  
She shook her head slightly.  "Nope.  Staying."  She met his eyes, sighed, then said, "Barring an emergency, I'll be here.  I told you before, you're a Legend too.  We look out for each other."  
  
"Precisely why I asked for Professor Stein's help."  Martin looked like he would rather be anywhere else.  "But all right, you may stay if that is your wish, and do not even think of trying to complain later to me about how bored you were."  
  
"Deal," she said with a smile as she snagged a chair.  She pulled it over to Rip and sat down when his eyes closed, in agreement with where she would be out of the way.  
  
"Martin, administer the sedative.  Gideon, monitor all my functions closely."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
He felt Sara take his closest hand in hers as he felt the sharp prick of the needle.  Soon, he drifted off to sleep.  
  
************  
  
He awoke to find himself lying on his own bed, no longer in the med bay.  "Gideon?" The lighting was off, in some hard to define way.  Too harsh, yet too diffuse.  
  
"Yes, Captain?" She turned to face him.  
  
"Wait, what...?"  
  
"I regret to inform you that we are now permanently connected, Captain."  Gideon looked distressed and he hurried over to her.  "It appears that the cognitive intrusion has bonded us in a way I have never experienced before.  Shall I attempt to let the others know you are not merely sleeping?"  
  
"Not quite yet, I think.  Are you able to perform a deep scan on my brain while we're here?"  
  
"It is possible, Captain, but I do not know how it will affect you."    
  
"Please proceed, Gideon, with caution."  
  
"Understood."    
  
As a flurry of images, colours, ghostly scents overwhelmed him, Rip cried out.  "Slower!"  
  
He could almost hear Gideon sigh.  "This will take much longer than expected."  
  
"How much longer?"  
  
"Thirty-five years, two hundred seventy-five days, twelve hours, sixteen minutes and forty-three seconds."  
  
"That won't do, Gideon."  
  
"No, Captain."  
  
"There's no way for you to render me unconscious in here?"  
  
"Only if you wish to die."  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
"Is there another way to run a deep scan on my brain?"  She hesistated.  "Do speak up if so."  
  
"it's only a theory, Captain."  
  
"Well?" He waited and when she didn't answer, he demanded, "I need to know."  
  
"There is a way to fully immerse you here.  You will experience all of your memories and be unable to change any of them.  When you awaken, they will be much closer to the surface and you will have to deal again with the ones which most strongly affect you.  I'm sorry, Captain, I do not wish to cause you pain."  
  
"I suppose the ones with the most emotional attachment will be the most treacherous?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"If I am able to remain detached, will the experience subjectively be quicker?"  
  
"In theory."  
  
"Let's do it."  He shook out (what felt like) his body, then stood straighter.  "Right, let's do this."  
  
"I strongly advise you allow me to tell Captain Lance and Professor Stein what's going on, their assisstance may prove to be necessary.  You may be able to hear them calling you should any memory overwhelm you."  
"Gideon, how likely is it that I will die if they aren't alerted to this complication?"  
  
"97.3826593104957%, Captain."  
  
"And if I do?"  
  
"60.749320174537%, Captain."  
  
"Let's just keep that figure to ourselves."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
"If they refuse to sedate me again, you will be able to bring me back here again so the deep scan can be run?"  
  
"Yes, but it may hurt."  
  
"Understood.  Now remember, no matter how much Captain Lance may protest, you obey me first."  
  
"Of course."  
  
He thought he saw... something... in her eyes.  Disobediance? Worry? "Thank you, Gideon; now, wake me up."  
  
**************  
He thought he heard Sara's voice, concerned.  "Martin, I think he's waking up!" Groggily, Rip slowly opened his eyes.  "Rip? Rip, are you okay?"  
  
"Yes, Captain, how do you feel?" Martin asked.  
  
"Like _The Waverider_ just crash landed on me," he said with a croak.  "Water."  
  
It was only then that he noticed Sara was still holding his hand.  He wasn't quite sure how to feel about that.  "How long was I under?" Martin hurried over, glass in hand and Rip took it gratefully with his free one.  
  
"A few minutes.  Didn't think it would be so quick."  
  
"That's because it hasn't started yet.  There was a slight... complication.  When Gideon went into my mind, I followed.  Well, my consciousness did.  We have no idea how long the scan will take, but I will be needing someone by my side in case of difficulties.  Gideon will alert whoever is by my side to keep calling my name."  
  
"Well, that'll be me, so no worries," she said determinedly.  
  
"I just told you we don't know how long it will take.  It may be minutes, it may be hours, it could possibly be a few days."  
  
"That's too long! Why is this so important?"  
  
Rip placed the empty glass down beside him.  This was precisely why he had wanted to finish what had been started, without this interval into the land of wakefulness.    
  
"Gideon, don't let him do this! That's an order!"  
  
"Gideon, now!"  
  
Just like that, he stood beside the ship's A.I. again.  He didn't remember his nerve endings screaming so much in protest last time.  Oh, yes, no sedative.  
  
"Are you ready, Captain?"  
  
He decided to ignore what might be faint screams, damning him to Hell, he and his stubborn, high-handed ways.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"At first, you will feel like you're in zero g, floating.  If you remain calm and uninvolved with your memories, you should feel like you're floating back to wakefulness when the scan is done."  
  
"And if not, more like an old-fashioned take-off from Cape Canaveral?"  
  
"Much worse."  
  
"Cheer me up, why don't you."  He took a deep breath.  "Ready."  
  
She turned to face him.  "I believe a good luck kiss is required in such circumstances."  
  
He laughed.  "There are no such circumstances as this, they are very much outside ordinary experiences."  
  
"Does that not mean it is even more required?"  
  
He looked at her, really looked at her.  Certainly, she appeared to be human with her dark hair and dark eyes, pale skin, but he was well aware that this was merely an illusion, she was a very powerful A.I.  One whom he had almost destroyed when his mind had been manipulated.  He owed her.  "I do believe you're right."  He bent towards her, she stretched up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.  Their lips met.  
  
Next thing he knew, he was falling, but it was extraordinarily difficult to determine in which direction.  Up? Sideways?  
  
Images assailed his eyes, half-remembered scents teased his nose, for a second he saw Mother as he had first met her, she had been waiting outside to greet her new charge.  next, his first (stolen, of course) kiss, soon after he was once more shivering in his far too few clothes, searching for food.  
  
His heart stopped as he once more saw Miranda.  He screamed her name but she didn't seem to hear it.  She continued to walk towards him, a smile playing on her lips, her eyes full of mischief as she --  
  
"Rip!"  
  
The scream almost shattered his eardrums but he remained frozen in place, watching his first kiss with Miranda.  
  
"Rip!" The same scream, even more urgent.  Surely only Gideon could reach him in here? He was certain she was far from finished the deep scan.  
  
"Captain Rip Hunter!"  
  
This time, he was able to tear his eyes away as the memory faded into nothingness once more.  He tried to focus on the voice.  It wasn't Gideon; no, it was --  
  
"Sara!" He spied the shining blond hair, and a mouth contorted from the effort of making itself heard.  He launched himself towards her, first overshooting by a good metre or so.  
  
He saw her try to aim at him but his own momentum carried him away and they missed each other again.  "Stop trying to move, Miss Lance! It'll be easier if only one of us moves towards the other."  Thoroughly distracted from his memories, he tried once more to reach Sara.  
  
This time, he missed her by several centimetres.  He gritted his teeth and tried once more, spinning towards her.  He was almost past her as he felt a strong pressure on his lower leg.  "Rip, I got you!"  
  
"So I can feel, Miss Lance."  
  
"Hey, it's Sara, remember? None of this 'Miss Lance' stuff, when I've just saved your life."  
  
"What on Earth are you doing here?"  
  
"Um saving your life? I just told..."  
  
Rip cut her off.  "Inside my mind, what are you doing here? Oh no."  He groaned.  "Gideon."  
  
"Of course Gideon."  As Sara talked, Rip slowly worked his leg free of Miss Lance's hands, held her arm with his hand and floated until they were in sync and able to face each other.  Not wanting to take a chance she would be forever lost in his memories, he kept his hand around her arm and held her hand with the other.  
  
"To keep us from floating away from each other," he said in explanation.  "Now, you were saying?"  
  
"When you knocked yourself out so quickly, and don't think I'm going to forgive you for that any time soon, I demanded that Gideon explain what was going on.  She told me to give you a number, by the way:  10.957%.  I have no idea what it means."  Her eyes were burning into his.  "But you do, don't you."  
  
He started to nod, but thought better of it.  "Yes."  At her look he said,  "I do."  
  
She tried to punch him but he held on tightly.  "Don't think I won't make you pay when we're back in the real world.  Spill.  What does that number mean?"  
(It means, Miss Lance, Gideon placed my survival above your own.)  "It means, Miss Lance, Gideon knew I needed a distraction, and here you are."  
  
He was more afraid that she would realize Gideon would potentially sacrifice a life in order to save his so he needed a distraction.  "I'm afraid to ask but when, exactly, did you arrive here? I thought I'd heard some screaming --"  
  
"Gideon had told us you needed some help, and I was telling Martin to get a move on, I had to make sure you were okay."  She smirked as she said,  "Pretty hot.  You're punching above your weight there, Rip, with Gideon."  
  
"Oh god, please tell me that you didn't..."  
  
"Didn't get an eyeful of you locking lips? I wish I could say I didn't, but I'd be lying.  Next thing I knew, I was falling."  
  
"And then you saw me and called."  
  
"And then I saw you and you looked like you were getting sucked into something, so I yelled to get your attention."  
  
"Wait, what do you see here?"  
  
"Splotches of color, different shapes, patterns.  Why, what do you see?" She craned her neck, trying to see more.  
  
"My life thus far," he said quietly, resisting the urge to look around.  "Fragments of memories, which become stronger the more I look at them."  He kept her gaze squarely on her.  
  
"How long are we going to be here?"  
  
"As long as it takes for Gideon to complete her task, at which point, I imagine, we'll be waking up back in the real world."  
  
"And until then, we have to amuse ourselves?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So, what you're saying is, you...can't really runaway from my questions right now."  
  
"I cannot, and I implore you, Miss Lance, do not ask them right now.  I'm not ready."  
  
"You're the most frustrating man I know!" Rip lowered his head.  "And the most fascinating."  His head snapped back up.  
  
"I imagine that's a rather select group."  
  
"You imagine right," she said.  "If I'm willing to wait, do I at least get one question answered fully?"  
  
"You drive a hard bargain."  
  
She smiled.  "I'll take that as a yes.  What's Gideon looking for, Rip? Why are you so afraid?"  
  
"That's more than one question, Miss Lance," he said drily as her hand tightened around his, "but I'll allow it."  
  
She stayed silent, allowing him time to prepare to open up a little.    
  
"I asked Gideon to run a deep scan of my brain, to ensure none of the brainwashing remained.  All brainwashing is horrible but this was particularly vile.  Technology can be a wonderful thing, Miss Lance.  It can also destroy oneself.  After I enlisted help to break the Spear of Destiny into four pieces, and scattered them and their guardians throughout history, it occurred to me that, should anyone learn what I had accomplished, I would be an easy target.  I needed a safe way to hide, and to be able to not break under torture and reveal who I was.  
  
"As I said, technology is wonderful.  In the future, there's a way to store your memories on a disk.  I did so, shortly after hiding the pieces.  I was still a Time Master in good standing."  He smiled ruefully.  "Every month or so, I would update it, so if I ever had need to use it to restore my memories, I wouldn't be too lost.  I counted on Gideon to fill in any gaps.  Well, as you know, my life changed radically.  I still managed to update my memories.  My last update was very soon before I disappeared.  I kept it in a bank, only a few years into your future, Sara.  
  
"I don't quite remember the process of turning into Phil but possibly I'd used the technology too often.  As you saw, my conscious mind didn't remember you, yet I had managed in the script, to tell the broad strokes of our story without knowing it was real.  
  
"When the Legion grabbed me, they found the reminder I'd left myself, where to go to look for my memories.  When Thawne returned them to me, he deliberately excluded all emotional context for me, twisted some memories, warped others and, well... I became the man you'd encountered."  
  
He took a deep breath.  "I asked Gideon to do a deep scan of my brain to ensure there are no nasty surprises left, such as a quick way to turn me back to the monster I was."  
  
He deflated.  "I have to know I'm myself once again."  
  
"Well, if it helps, you're the same old Rip to me."  He could see she was trying to make him laugh but he wasn't in the mood.  
  
"Not quite.  For one, I'm missing some memories, and aren't we comprised of events and how we were affected by them?"  
  
"So what's the last thing you remember?" He started to smile so she forestalled him.  "I mean before you went to update them."  
  
He lost the smile.  "Remember when we landed in 2025 and I sent you all out on assorted errands?" She nodded.  "I paid a visit to the bank where I had the disk, took it away, and went to update it.  The next thing I remember, I was a film student, an American film student," he said distastefully.  "Gideon's filled me in as best she could but it's rather lacking."  
  
"Damn, Rip, you should have said something, we could have filled you in."  
  
"When, exactly, Miss Lance? You helped me escape from the prison in my mind, I freshened up, I went somewhere that felt familiar to me, you came and we talked briefly and we've been searching for the other pieces of the Spear so we can destroy it.  I can function well enough to be of service.  Once this is all over..."  He smiled ruefully.  "We'll probably be kept on the go, continuing to keep the timeline intact."  
  
"I'll come and pester you for the good stuff, between feats of derring-do, and help you fill in what's missing."  
  
A tremor of fear flitted through him.  What if he didn't survive this mission, or was lost again, or so changed it wouldn't matter what he was told?  He forced a smile.  "That will be acceptable, Miss Lance."  
  
They fell silent for a while, Rip now able to view glimpses of his memories more dispassionately, especially when they shifted every so often, it would draw his attention back to the beautiful woman who had done so much to save him.  
  
"My turn for a question.  How much was it wanting to save me, and how much was it you wanting to retrieve the final piece of the Spear that made you come retrieve me?" Before she could protest, he said, "Once a Captain, always a Captain.  Of course you had a mixed agenda which meshed perfectly."  
  
He felt her sag a little.  "I don't know," she said honestly.  "I hated you for what you did, but I could also understand it.  I also know you'd never deliberately kill us, we're important to you."  He dearly hoped she couldn't feel how hard his heart was pounding.  
  
"I don't think Gideon would have told you about cognitive intrusion without Mr. Rory's prompting.  She's quite aware of my feelings on the subject."  
  
"Martin and me, too."  Sara laughed a little.  "I'm glad you're back."  
  
"Being Captain isn't all it's cracked up to be, mmm? Perhaps now you understand some of my decisions better."  
  
"Yeah, I do.  I also know you don't have to be so alone, making decisions, planning missions."  
  
"Different command styles, Captain Lance.  I'm afraid I'm rather set in my ways."  
  
"You don't have to be, Captain Hunter," she said, chiding him slightly.  "I've seen some changes in you since you recruited us."  
  
"For the worse no doubt."  Rip smiled, taking the sting out.  "All right, perhaps a few for the better."  
  
"Damn right.  You learned to trust us enough that we could continue the mission you started us on.  We never could have, if you hadn't told Gideon to obey us, too.  When I had to make a decision and we talked about it, I also tried to imagine what you would do."  
  
He laughed.  "And do the opposite, no doubt."  
  
Before she could answer him, if she was, indeed, going to even try, they both felt a wrench, trying to separate them, pull them elsewhere.  "Scan's finished!"  
  
The last image he saw before blackness claimed him, was Miranda and Jonas welcoming him home after a successful mission.  
  
****************  
  
Rip slowly clawed his way to consciousness.  He could hear the soft hum of the med bay and muted voices first.  He tried to open his eyes but they resolutely remained closed.  He coughed then tried to speak.  "Martin?" It came out unintelligible to his ears.  He tried again.  "Gideon?" This time, he enjoyed success.  
  
"Right here, Captain."  
  
"Were you able to--?"  
  
"Task was completed successfully."  
  
"And?"  
  
"You will be pleased by the result, Captain."  
  
"Good to hear.  How long were we out?"  
  
"Two hours and eighteen minutes."  
  
Well, that was preferable to her earlier estimate.  He tried to open his eyes again; this time he was successful.  He looked around.  Martin was busy with Miss Lance, then he noticed a grinning face beaming at him.  "Mr. Jackson, you were recruited to keep an eye on us?"  
  
"Yeah, a regular couple of Sleeping Beauties you were, too."  
  
"Thank you for your help.  Now, perhaps you'll assist me in removing these electrodes?"  
  
"Sure thing."  Working together, Rip removed the ones he could easily reach and Jax dealt with the ones remaining.  Once he was free, he started to sit up.  Jax placed a supportive hand on his back and helped.    
  
By the time he was vertical, Sara had opened her eyes and started to talk as well.  Jax turned to help her and Rip eased himself into a standing position.  He took a few steps away, to not interfere with their assistance, reassured himself that she looked all right, then quietly left.  
  
He knew they would come searching for him later, and he found he was all right with that.  He assumed they would be peppering him with questions, which he would attempt to answer.  
  
But for now, what he couldn't say out loud was why he had felt so strongly in need of a deep scan.  He had changed, and in a direction he had no wish to travel.  In that moment in his nightmare, when he could see the life slowly seeping (or exploding) out of his crew member, teammate, friend, he had successfully killed one... a surge of perverse joy flooded through him.  It would remain his secret.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> If anyone has a better suggestion for a title, please share it with me. 
> 
> If anyone notices any typos, I would be grateful to know what they are, so I can correct them.


End file.
